June 25, 2024

Want life to be less complicated?

This article is directly cut from Richard’s book Legacies, within the Keep It Simple chapter. Enjoy!

A warm Fiji breeze blew through the palm trees as I approached the 16th green – the signature hole at Denarau golf course. My playing partner and family friend, Sitiveni (Steve) Rabuka, was the former Prime Minister of Fiji (a position he’d held for ten or so years). Steve put in for par, and we continued our conversation. 

“Why is it”, I asked, “that the Fijian people are so happy? They’re always smiling… Their service in the resorts is second to none, and they always seem full of laughter and fun.” 

Steve turned to me before glancing pointedly at a palm tree nearby, up to the sunny skies, and out to the ocean. He replied in his deep voice, “Richard, the Fijian people want for nothing. Everything they need comes so easily. It’s always warm – so they’re never cold. The coconut falls from the tree – and you know that you can actually live eating coconut alone – and, on top of that, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. It’s so easy, they hardly have to do a thing to be comfortable, warm, and fed. That’s why they’re happy; they want for nothing, and they have none of the stress of the Western world.” 

What is it that we’re trying to achieve in this ‘western world’ of ours?! We’re all motivated by different desires, goals, and aspirations for life. Is one better or worse than another? Is my bearing or compass in life more accurate than that of my neighbours? How do I know I’m doing the ‘right’ thing, or acting and behaving in the right way? We refer to a country like Fiji as a third-world nation; and yet, when we have a bit of time and money, that’s the kind of place we want to go to! We work so hard to enjoy for a short time what they always have. Now, I do acknowledge that village life in Fiji is quite different from a holiday in one of the resorts; but surely there’s a lesson here in how we often make life so much more difficult and complicated than it needs to be. From what I see, this complication stems from a number of reasons – but high on that list, if not number one, is our drive for social acceptance and social significance. We’ll explore that more in the next chapter, ‘Keep it Real.’ 

Our actions are based on what motivates us and where our values lie.

Thirty-six years ago, in 1988 – when I was age 12 – we lived in the countryside not far from Auckland, near the little village of Waiau Pa. The property that Dad and Mum had bought six months prior was a beautiful five-acre block nestled on the crest of a gently rolling hill. The view from the property was a picturesque vista: the Manukau Harbour towards the west, framed amongst the backdrop of the Waitakere Ranges and Awhitu Peninsula. Dad had spent six months prior to the move building greenhouses and an associated shed, which stood high and prominent. Its multiple purposes were to serve as a packing shed; house the cool store for the flowers; and house our family for the next few years. Money was tight as my parents began to rebuild this new venture. They had recently moved from a property in Drury, where they’d managed a private flower-growing business for two years; and prior to that, they’d sold a dairy farm in the Eastern Bay of Plenty at a significant loss. The circumstances and timing surrounding the initial purchase of the dairy farm had not been ideal; the mortgage rates were at an all-time high of twenty to twenty-two per cent; and when they sold, the value of the land hadn’t yet reached its potential. Finances were therefore seriously limited during this stage of my childhood. 

I was relatively unaware of our financial state as a young boy, but when I was about twelve, I began to notice differences between our lifestyle and those of my peers. Friends began to acquire new items: pieces of clothing; the latest toys; branded sports gear; new bikes; music; stereos; the latest technology; and more. It also seemed that they regularly went on holidays. They often talked about fun adventures and places they’d been. It struck me around this stage that I didn’t have those branded clothes; my parents couldn’t buy me the cool stuff ; and our family couldn’t participate in the fun activities that only money could buy. We weren’t going without food, clothing, or everyday needs; but money wasn’t readily available to throw at extras. Food was rather basic, my clothes were from the cheapest shops, and birthday presents were minimal. 

On reflection, I do have to add that I actually loved the adventurous life I lived in spite of our financial constraints (in fact, maybe because of those constraints). I was much more creative in building and creating; I spent a large degree of my time outside, building huts, shooting my air rifle, creating jumps, and just being an outdoor country kid. But there still lurked an awareness and quiet desire for the things I was missing out on. 

It’s amazing how strong an influence your childhood perspective can have in your later life. Reflecting now, I see that – all those years ago – what began to form in my mind was a drive and desire to not be without; to be able to afford the extras in life. This thought process served as a motivator for achievement and an appreciation for the value of wealth. In my mid-twenties, as my financial success grew, life became more complicated as I worked to fulfil those needs and that drive within me. The clothing became more expensive; the ‘toys’ were bigger; and my desire began to grow into what I then recognised could easily become a never-ending spiral. Some of you will be aware of how those values can sometimes become impossible to fulfil; the need to ‘do better’ and have more becomes greater, and the cost becomes higher – whatever that cost may be. Today, those strong motivations and values remain; but, because I’ve made purposeful choices and changed my thinking around ‘success,’ it’s become less of a relentless drive. I still appreciate the things money can buy, but it no longer has a hold over me. Where once making money drove me to work long and hard, it’s now an aspect of my life I’m very aware of and keep in check so that it no longer consumes my decision-making, choices and thinking.

How did I change this drive in me? A little life experience contributed; but it’s also been in working to understand my thinking and improving my confidence and self-worth that has helped keep life simpler. 

The more I add, the more complicated and difficult life becomes. 

Some time ago, I heard someone speak on what they called ‘The Three R’s of home ownership’: Rust, root and repair. Referring to anything you own breaks down over time and requires attention and energy to maintain. I’d now add ‘replace’ to that list. Our spa recently began to play up. The repair guy visited and told us the spa would cost almost $4k to fix; far more than we’d paid for it six years earlier! We’ve loved our spa, and place a high value on its function and purpose in our family; it’s a wonderful way to get everyone together, talking and sharing. So we’ve reinvested in another. But the more you have, the more you’ll be caring for. I’ve learnt to ask myself more often before making purchases, “Do you really need it?” 

At the beginning of every year, we try to select a word to somehow define the twelve months ahead. The word I chose in 2016 just happened to be “Simplify,” and it inspired me to analyse, reflect, and consider other ways to make a process or task easier and simpler throughout the year and in the years since. I’ve also adopted the habit of examining any ‘clutter’ in my life – unnecessary things that take up time or space in our life that aren’t required. All these extras that serve little purpose can become energy-draining. 

Kelly recently listened to someone on social media speaking on how he’s simplified his life to the point where he even knows what he’s going to wear ahead of time, so that getting dressed is no longer a time- or thought-consuming process. It may seem too structured to some – but I know I can sometimes expend emotional energy just deciding what to wear! It sounds crazy, but if you try to be aware of your thinking over the next couple of weeks regarding your clothing selection, you may be surprised at the time and energy it consumes. 

My word simplify has contributed to my commitment to keeping it simple. I’ve recently revolutionised my garage, and it’s now the epitome of organisation and order in the manner of a shop or showroom. I love it. Snowboards, skateboards, and surfboards –- all on racks; helmets on hooks; wetsuits on hangers and rails. I’ve created a large shelving unit to stack big clear plastic tubs, each clearly labelled with its contents, which ranges from snow gear to painting items; files and books; car cleaning equipment; and cables and cords. This new organisation makes it quick and easy to find – and store again – those necessary items. It saved us a lot of, “Dad, do you know where my elbow pads are?” or “Where are the tennis balls?” Because everything now has a ‘place,’ and it’s been easy to find and get to, the items were then replaced where they belonged instead of being left out to create clutter and mess. 

Keeping it simple contributes to my motivators and values, as one of my key motivators is balance. Maintaining balance helps me to have order and organisation and vice versa. 

Knowing where to spend your time and energy (both at and outside of work) can help you to keep it simple.

A good friend is developing his career in the IT industry. He loves the technical nature of his role, he’s passionate about the industry itself, and he enjoys learning and being progressive. He’d originally worked in a role that was primarily a support position, assisting customers with issues, setting up new networks, and developing support software. Because of his success within the organisation, he was offered the opportunity for a promotion, which would mean earning more money and managing the team he’d been a part of. He enthusiastically took on the challenge. Six months on in his new position, he found his enthusiasm severely waning. What had seemed like an exciting challenge now felt like a drudgery. His high motivation had now slipped to a sense of reluctance, and each day seemed long and tiresome. We offered him some time to help unpack what had changed to curb his enthusiasm. I’d assumed that – as so often happens – he’d simply grown tired of dealing with people, and the frustration of keeping the team on track and in harmony were all taking its toll. But I was quite wrong. Kelly had worked her way through the issue with him, asking specific questions to reveal the genuine source of his frustration. Yes, those management issues were frustrating – but they were also bearable. Yes, people would take their time to do what was required – but he could get them across the line. The real issue lay within his intrinsic motivation. One of his ‘key’ motivators was expertise; and before his promotion – when he was part of the team – his expertise was required daily. But in his new role, he was no longer functioning in this area; now it was more by chance and on the odd occasion that he needed to provide his expertise. His promotion had taken him away from what he loved and what motivated him. With this newfound realisation and a few conversations with his managers, he was able to make the required changes in the new role to meet his need for expertise again. Within a very short time, his motivation had returned; his enthusiasm was high; and the thought, come Sunday night, of the new week ahead was once again motivating. 

Establishing and understanding your motivators can help you avoid a lack of motivation, indecision, or a wavering direction.

As with my own value of ‘not going without,’ it’s often not until issues arise that people are able to identify their motivations. So, how can you know what values and motivators influence your choices - and what’s the value of understanding these things about yourself? 

Most people have no clear idea of what motivates them or what values underpin their decisions in life; but if you want to be purposeful in what you do, then these are things that are absolutely essential to understand.

Decisions and life navigation are much easier once you understand your motivators and values. Connect with us to help you understand and navigate yours.